I have to LIVE

 

Somedays,

I am terrified. I wake up in the morning, take my first breath and immediately feel the ball in pit of my stomach signifying the day has begun. I have become a slave to my anxiety from sunrise to sunset. The news is a constant reminder that my son has a target on his back, not only from police and other law enforcement, but from other young boys and men that look like him. My daughter could one day be dead under mysterious circumstances in the custody of police because of a traffic stop. I am terrified, morning noon and night.

But I have to LIVE.

The past week has been emotionally draining and anxiety ridden for me. I can’t log on social media without seeing a post about the recent murders of innocent black men by police, the murder of police by a sniper, protests, rallies, hate, violence….. It’s all too much. I continue to force myself to open my eyes, stating that it is in my best interest to know what is really happening before I step into the world.

But I have to LIVE.

So today, I am making a choice to live without apology, as much as I possibly can in the times that we live in. I am not sure how to do that. In all my 20-something years, I can’t remember a time when I have truly been FREE. When I was in highschool, I would lay on my mother and cry, begging to be “carefree” like my cousins and friends. I would worry myself sick about the best way to be “carefree” and “fun-loving” until I just ended up staying in the house and not putting in any effort into anything.(If you can’t see the irony in that well…..) But as of today, I want to be FREE. I want to be able to deal with everything that is reality, and be free with the things that I can control.

When I step out into the world, I don’t want to be so terrified of things that I have absolutely no control over. I make my anxieties worse by focusing so much on things that I see in the news or in my comings and goings, that I try to force every single modicum of control on things that make no difference on reality. Perfect example, I don’t wear lipstick anymore (or makeup really), because most days I overthink the reaction that I MIGHT get on my choice of makeup. Not that it would make any difference at all what I wore on my face, or my hair, or my body, but I analyze it to the point that I become apathetic and don’t do anything at all.

 

No more of that. No more fear. I will put myself in a position every single day to take on the world that I have no choice but to live in. I will put on the armour of God before I step out of my bed, with a prayer wall around me to protect me from things that only He can control. I will put on whatever war paint I think will allow ME to be FREE. I will find FREEDOM in the knowledge that the only one who can control these perilous times is God and it won’t matter what color lipstick I am wearing, or if this pattern matches with the other, or If my children took their vitamins this morning, or if I put too much salt in my husbae’s mashed potatoes or if I have to call out of work because I am in pain….

I will not allow my medical issues, my anxiety, my empathetic nature, or my fear to stop me from living. I will not allow it to stop my children from living. I will not allow my freedom to pass me by while I am scared of how to be free.

Afterall, what quality is a life lived without experiencing the very freedom we fight for?

 

 

How I learned Grace under Fire was not a Personality Trait

 

surprise him
Grace Under Fire

 

I haven’t been around much, and for that I am truly sorry. There are not very many people who currently subscribe to my blog right now, but for the people who do:

  I first off want to say THANK YOU. I am a very overwhelmed mama. I am a mother to two beautiful amazing children. My 7 (almost 8) year old is heading into 3rd grade, which in our state means he will be doing into mandatory state testing to determine if he will be sent to the 4th grade. My almost 2-year-old (20 months) has had a few health issue this year, but thankfully she is growing into a healthy capable little girl whose spunk and curiosity means that I am always trying to stay one step ahead of her toddler shenanigans. I am the wife of an amazing husband, who is in the process of launching his new business, and I work full time. I say this not to make excuses, but to help myself understand the reasons I write in the first place.  Thank you, for watching my process even if you didn’t know you were doing that for me in the first place. Thank you for subscribing to my blog, and leaving your feedback on my posts. Thank you for joining in my journey! With that being said, LETS READ!

                –Humbly Yours

Emmylee

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Trying New Things

Hi There!

I am so excited! I love coming home and finding a package waiting for me. And lucky me, I have had 2 boxes show up in the past week! I can’t wait to start using my new things.

I got a bathtub for Baby Bear, from Summer Infant. I am currently still testing it out, so I will do a full review this weekend. A couple of weeks back, Summer Infant company contacted me to do a product review, so I really am excited to finally use it and possibly continue doing reviews for the company (and others!) I wont ruin the final product with a dissertation before the review though!

I also got Bentonite Clay! So, originally I got this so I could do facials and hopefully clear these stubborn whiteheads. I went online to start researching the best masks to make with it, and I found a whole host of other uses! My mind is boggled. I didn’t even know you could do a detox with this, but now that I know I am excited. The uses of bentonite clay are endless.  Bentonite clay is made of volcanic ash. According to wellnessmama.com it carries a strong negative charge, so when mixed with water, it swells and forms a bond with bodily toxins until it is expelled from your system.  I’m not a fitness or nutrition buff (yet), but it seems to me that it is a huge benefit during weight loss. That first two or three months were you are creating better habits and ridding your system of all the toxic waste that it had trapped in your fat would probably be a lot smoother if you had a glass or two of Bentonite Clay water daily. All those toxins being flushed would probably help skin hair and general well-being. I want to try it so I can gauge how well it helps my headaches and my skin especially. And yeah… the fat too lol.  I am so going to create a weekly menu as part of my May Goals, and I’m going to incorporate the Bentonite clay. It can So expect a few clay posts in the coming weeks.

Things have been so jumbled at home the past few days because my in-laws are in town.  I haven’t been able to work on the blog daily, but I have definitely drafted new ideas, and I even started posting on my Facebook. Up until recently, I had deactivated my Facebook for personal reasons. But now I started it back up and I post on it with my blog! I also have a blog Pinterest, because I’ve clearly been obsessed with Pinterest since it was created. Add me, follow me, let’s get social!!

Anyways guys, tell me something. What are YOUR favorite detox products? Do you have anything you SWEAR by?  Will you try the Bentonite Clay with me?

5 things I want my Kids to know about God

5 things about God

There are so many things that I want my children to know. My biggest fear is that they will have to go through the same mistakes that I did because they do not know any better. I know as a parent, I have to teach them better in order for them to be able to bypass the lessons I learned from lack of knowledge. I wrote this list with the intent of putting my “main” lessons in writing for future reference. One day, when some lesson seems so huge to me, I can look back and remember that if these 5 things are covered, I did something right.

 

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